Self Love Isn't Selfish - It's Important

 Self love. 

Not to be confused with narcissism.

Self love for me, means confidence in myself without the need for validation from others. 

A lot of people know I love photographs. For a long time, photoshoots were a way of life for me, and I did seek validation from the world. But I was never really happy. I'd wake up at 3:30am, work out until 5:00am / 5 days a week. Count every calorie consumed and every calorie burned. I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally, from the energy spent trying to appease the world in what image it wanted me to fit, instead of finding the balance I needed to achieve happiness within myself. 

I've been every size you can imagine... as a mother of 3 (an eleven year old and nine year old twins) I had to learn to accept myself and the changes my body has gone through, and it has been through many. From weight gain, hair loss, stretch marks, weight loss, self ridicule, and fatigue... it never seems to end. But what we seem to never address is the toll all of these negative thoughts take on our mental and emotional health. How each and every moment spent dwelling on these changes leads us to compare ourselves to a never ending cycle of perfection displayed on social media, magazine covers, and in celebrity culture. 

While we sit and pick ourselves apart, wouldn't it be beautiful if instead we focused on what makes us so incredibly unique? If instead, we looked at our bodies as the vessels in which we carry our gifts and talents into this world? Outward perfection unnecessary, but instead a strive for healthy progression and a focus on happiness? 

Am I saying going to the gym 5 days a week is bad? Absolutely not. It was bad for ME. It was part of an unhealthy cycle in which my inner voice was used to point out only the imperfections of my body. When I stopped doing that, I gave myself more time to focus on what brought me joy. My children. My career. It shifted my focus from physical perfection to a spiritual awakening, to a healthier diet, a more balanced life. 

But most importantly was the message it sent to the other women in my life who had once looked at me and wondered how I made time to be "skinny" or go to the gym. It gave me the opportunity to stop being apart of that societal pressure to fit an image. It put me in a position to empower. To inspire. To embrace the healthy, happy version myself. To love myself in a natural state, minus all the extra effort. 

It meant posting those untouched photos, cellulite bared, stretch marks on display, occasional slip of unfiltered body. What I thought was freeing for just me, became a ripple of confidence within my circle of female friends. It was so beautiful to see a message from a mom who wore a bathing suit for the first time in years because I had. Or to get a message from a husband who said his wife had seen my pictures and was inspired to do a boudoir shoot. 

My worth is not measured in my waist line, my bust size, or on a scale. It's not measured in followers, fans or likes. 

I hope that when the time comes for my life's meaning to be discussed, it is said that I was full of love. Love for myself and for others. Unselfishly and without regret.  

Free your mind. Validate yourself for no one. Strive for happiness, not perfection. 

Love yourself, every inch. You never know who you are inspiring to do the same.